Well, last appointment was Friday (April 6). Anna's eyes are slightly improved, but not nearly where the ophthalmologist wants them to be. He had a lengthy (for him) discussion with me, and he really feels that we're heading towards Humira or Remicade. Neither of those sounds very fun for me to explain to Anna (Humira injections really hurt, and Remicade means being at the hospital for a few hours every 6-8 weeks for an infusion.) I'm also nervous about the cost---what insurance will cover and what we will be expected to pay (for either one of the options). The Cyclosporine itself is very expensive, although once we paid our prescription deductible, it's down to $35.00, so that's not too bad (when you consider that the retail cost of 100 mg for 30 days is over $191!).

I'm at a point (especially last week) when I really didn't want to think about arthritis or anything associated with arthritis. In my several-times-daily talks with God, I keeping telling him, "I DON'T LIKE THIS PART OF THE JOURNEY!" He hasn't promised to take it away, but He keeps telling me that I'm not alone---that's He's still right by my side.

I know down deep inside that once Anna gets used to whatever might be next, she'll be courageous and accepting, even if she doesn't like it. That doesn't stop any of us from just being sad that we even have to think about some unfavorable options (besides the fact that she probably will still need the Methotrexate injections and some of the Cyclosporine also, to start out with, as per the explanation of the ophthalmologist.) Does anyone with a heart ever want to tell their child that they will have to regularly receive a painful shot or spend hours at the hospital every few weeks with an IV dripping in? I'm still going through the grieving process and will eventually get to the point of grudging acceptance and then I'll be able to put on my strong and courageous face for Anna's sake.