I am the kind of person who thinks WAY too much! Sometimes (many times) over-thinking can lead to worry---anticipating what MIGHT happen in the future. I'm learning (God continues to tell me) NOT to do this! To TRUST Him implicitly in every moment.
We've had a long stretch between appointments for Anna, but we're catching up now! After rescheduling her ophthalmologist appointment two or three times, we finally were able to work out an appointment for this past Thursday (Valentine's Day). We've been so busy that I haven't really thought about, nor have I been concerned about her eye inflammation, especially after good news for the past few appointments. We recently decreased Anna's dose of Humira (from every 10 days to every 14 days). In fact, it takes while to get the dosage changed with specialty pharmacies (that's been my experience), and I had just spoken with a few people to take steps to update the pharmacy with the change. As the ophthalmologist was examining Anna's eyes, I happened to think, "Oh! I hope the inflammation isn't back, because I sure would hate to jump through all of those hoops to get the specialty pharmacy to change the prescription again." No need to worry (or to cause any confusion with the pharmacy). Anna's eyes are both CLEAR!!! Oh! What great news! (Makes me almost forget the years of endless appointments with the verdict of "trace cells.") Smiles all around! Especially after Anna asked the doctor if she could give herself the eye drops before checking her pressures---he had never had a patient ask before, and Anna is the first patient he has given that permission to. (But then again, he's know her for at least 10 years---sees her more often than some of her relatives do!)
And now the next appointment is on Monday, with the TMJ specialist in Philadelphia. Over the past month or so, I've been thinking and thinking, trying to anticipate the results of this evaluation (not a good thing to do---who knows what the outcome will be?). I know many, many people have been praying. I, too, have been praying desperately for wisdom, discernment, understanding, a doctor who will explain everything so that we can understand it, and mainly for God to guide our steps (I know He has in the past---so many times---on this journey, and He has connected us with just the right people at just the right times--so I know I can trust Him to faithful in the future, as well). Although we have not yet had this appointment, I have felt an internal shift in my overall attitude about Monday. (That's why I know all of our prayers have been effective to this point and will continue to be.)
I had been feeling for weeks like I needed to gather up my courage and faith to face the specialists and the results of this evaluation. I have been determined and resolved to do so. But over the past few days, the words of Romans 15:13 have been running through my head. My husband was the worship leader at church the other Sunday when we had a guest speaker, so besides the beginning part of worship, he also had the benediction. And he chose to sing the benediction: "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, as you trust in Him . . . so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Yes!!! THAT is what I need---to be filled with all joy and peace by our God of hope, as I trust in Him. Nothing ever touches us/affects us that God does not allow. He loves us more than we can ever know, and He's right beside us, holding our hands as we walk this journey. I know we can trust Him! So we continue to walk this road, appreciating the prayers of so many, and watching for the little and big evidences of God working as we move forward. We know that God will be faithful to complete the work that He has begun in our lives. We also know that He is able to do immeasurably more than we ask or think. And so we will anticipate Monday's adventure with joy and peace---no matter what the outcome. (And we'll let you know what they say---we want to be able to share TMJ information with others who may need to hear it, as well.)
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