The Dreams of Moms . . . . Holding Steady

I had a dream one night before the appointment.  In my dream, Anna's uveitis had returned. It was a dream that startled me awake.

In the past 17+ years since Anna's initial diagnosis, I've learned that for me, it's best not to go into appointments with any wishes, hopes, dreams, etc.  I'm a realist, when it's all said and done, and I've concluded that this is the journey that God has allowed us to travel, and we can rest on His promises that although life will have troubles and trials, we have the opportunity to grow and to be refined (and better reflect the light of Jesus) in the process of the journey.  Each time I've been tempted to wallow and worry about what will happen to the uveitis without biologic meds, I've heard a whisper in my head---a reminder:  "Who of you by worrying can add one hour to the length of his life?" (Matthew 6:27 AMP)

Monday was Anna's first eye appointment since we received the news that she is no longer able to use any TNF inhibitors (like Remicade, Humira, etc.). We started out with Anna's vision test (not terrible).  She did tell the assistant that she was noticing a bit of blurriness sometimes at long distances.  Given my dream and this information, I was mentally preparing myself for not-so-good news.  BUT, the OCT (a test which takes a picture of the back of the eye) was clear (Praise God!), and as Dr. N. thoroughly examined every square centimeter of Anna's eyeballs, she found no evidence of any inflammation.  Dr. N. was not commenting during those long moments of examination, and when I told her afterwards that I had dreamed the inflammation had returned, she apologized for not saying anything sooner! She said, "These are the things moms dream about."

So relief for today.  Appreciating these days and weeks of no inflammation and no swelling in the back of the eye -- and no injections or infusions! Thanking God for the gift of each new day, for this semester of college that Anna is enjoying and appreciating.  In this photo, she is up on the ropes course at the college, with an experienced partner beside her, navigating the course as a strong cold front blew in with gusty winds (right as she was up in the air!). Sometimes I think life seems a bit like this ropes course: exciting, a little scary, a little treacherous at times, but exhilarating when you make it through some obstacles and precarious situations. Life with a chronic illness certainly has some precarious situations.  How thankful I am that we are anchored to Jesus---our rock.