There are a multitude of thoughts and emotions that I have experienced this afternoon (I can't speak for Anna, although we talked a little bit about this as I took her back to the college). On the one hand, I feel like cheering and maybe dancing, because she is done with those potent biologics. That alone deserves a celebration---maybe? On the other hand, there's a little bit of panic. The battle over the years to control the uveitis and protect Anna's sight in her left eye has been long and tough and heart-wrenching at times. We have relied on first Humira, and then Remicade, to "keep the beast at bay." On the one hand, I am not a doctor, and Dr. S. knows SO much more than I do. On the other hand, I keep thinking, "Has she read Anna's medical history? [I think she has.] Does she know the extent of the uveitis flares we've experienced in the past? What in the world is going to happen with Anna's eyes since we're quitting biologics 'cold turkey'?!" I don't want Anna to have Lupus, but I also want to protect her eyesight.
If you have read most of my blog posts, you know that the Lord often speaks to me through songs. After the appointment today, a song was playing on the radio, and that little voice in my head kept bring my attention to some of the words of Matt Redman:
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful